That’s right it’s finally here, the Britney Spears Glee episode. Honestly it should be a national holiday, or at least all Starbucks take today and honor this classic beauty of our time by offering free Frappuccinos to every customer. I know there are a handful out there who are judging me harshly for my love of B.Spears. But it’s Ok I don’t understand your love for Lionel Richie or Big Brother, see we’re even. So for y’all non-Britney fanatics let’s have a little tutorial on B.Spears’ amazingness shall we:
Example A. Look at this exquisiteness! Hair the consistency of straw and a weave that is about to jump off her head and into that Williams-Sonoma store. This look takes work people. You don’t just happen to have this hair, you have to wash your hair in Cheeto residue, use SPF and JJ’s half-eaten gummy bears as hair gel, and then in an effort to support PETA allow some squirrels to store their nuts in your ponytail.
Example B. This is moments before her courageous journey into the gas station bathroom without shoes on. But don’t fret, she’s prepared for this! She clearly is going to be using her skirt as a bath mat so she won’t be touching the disgusting, cockroach infested floor – see look she’s already starting to take it off! And Britney is of course a multitasker, so while running errands she is able to show tribute to our Nation’s colors because Britney likes to give back to all the hillbilly, truck driving, Cheeto lovn’ people of the world. Truly the next Mother Theresa.
Example C. Britney clearly has made some mistakes, but at least she can acknowledge them! I mean she is clearly thinking, “Oops y’all I like didn’t really mean to shave my head, get married to my friend in Vegas, make Chaotic with that stupid ex of mine (I mean like I should have totally made that thing with Justin), or show my lady stuff to everybody 5 times in a row. Ha ha it’s so funny y’all how all that stuff like happened! I mean….OH look a Taco Bell, SPF turn this dang car around so we can grab us some dinner!”
Example D. In this unseen photo of Britney and KFed (back before he gained 500 lbs) illustrates her innate mothering abilities. Look she’s even got the Red Bully ready for her little boo-boos so they can stay up past 4am to keep partying! And don’t even start to judge the cigarettes. Clearly KFed is just paying tribute to her hit “Toxic” by acting out the lyrics: With a taste of poison paradise; I’m addicted to you; Don’t you know that you’re toxic? Yea that’s right, he’s obsessed with her not the nicotine – jeez think outside the box will ya.
Yea I know I converted you all to true B.Spears’ fans, so go grab your red bull, Frapps, and bucket of chicken as you enjoy Glee. Thanks Y’all!