How to Drink Wine like a Pro

I’m going to be regularly writing “How to…” posts because it’s what I’m continuously typing into Google. And while I recognize there are tons of How to websites and magazines out there I always feel like the explanations aren’t very good. It’s like in Martha Stewart magazine where she shows you how to make a “simple and easy” wreath but it requires a glue gun, tree branches only found in New England, organically dried cherries, a keyhole saw, some felt, and the sewing skills of a child in a 3rd world country (sorry that’s not very PC of me but neither was my post about Brideplasty). And my wreath ends up looking like the wreaths you made in 2nd grade with your handprints – remember those? They were great… Anyways, the How to’s on TMP will be simple, less than 10 steps, and include lots of photos (all you visual learners should be appreciative). Forewarning to all my friends – you are all amazingly talented and smart so I will be hitting you up for guest How To posts!

Ok onto drinking wine. So you can of course drink wine however you like, but chugging it back in one swig doesn’t look very classy and doesn’t bode well for the head the next day.

Boone's Farm Rainbow

Image by JaseMan via Flickr

  1. Put down the box wine and Boone’s Farm . This is not real wine. Don’t let the bottle or label fool you. This wine is meant to be enjoyed by teenagers who have no clue what they’re doing. You deserve better than Str awberry Hill, you deserve something with flavor!
  2. Glad you’ve decided to join the adult world. Now get an wine opener. The rabbit is the best, but a standard bottle opener is fine. Just whatever you do don’t forgo the opener and try to rip the cork out with your teeth or a knife or start yanking on it to open as you hold it between your legs. If this is what you look like then go back to Step 1 and start drinking the Boone’s Farm you threw in the trash, and while your at it grab a Natty Light from the fridge.
  3. Alright the wine is open ready to go. But wait, you have to let it breathe! For reds open them up about 30-60 minutes before drinking and for whites take them out of the fridge 15-20 minutes before serving. If the wine is too cold you won’t be able to taste any of the flavor.
  4. Now swirl it around in your glass. I like to say, pretend like your looking at someone really hot who just walked into the room. What are they wearing? If it’s red, what’s the shade: maroon, purple, ruby, garnet, red, brick or brown? Or if they’re in white: clear, pale yellow, straw-like, light green, golden, amber? And then after you’ve checked out the outfit, how about those legs (its the drips running down the sides)?
  5. Now it’s time to smell it (yea I know we still aren’t drinking yet – be patient!). Shove your nose in that glass and take a big whiff. All wines smell differently but can smell like oak, berry, flowers, vanilla, or citrus. This step is key and will score you big points when wine tasting and will increase the likelihood that you’ll get to try wines off their tasting list, like the reserve wines for their wine club.
  6. Take a sip! Before you blurt out that it tastes like berries, think about what it reminds you of. Spices (cinnamon, cloves, black pepper), Fruit (grapefruit, peach, cherry, plum), Nuts (hazelnut, almonds), Flowers (roses, violets), or Plants (oak, tea, tobacco)?
  7. Enjoy and repeat steps 4-6 until you need to open another bottle. And you may even need to go back to step 1 if your nights turns into one of those evenings.

Cheers to (attempting) Classy Drinking this Weekend!

Want more information from true wine experts…

Have a suggestion for a How To post? Email me at themorningstarproject@gmail.com or leave it in the comments section and I’ll try to make it happen.

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